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The Power of My No

The Power of My No

There is a great book written by Andy Stanley called Choosing to Cheat. In this book, Stanley "addresses the tension felt between the drive for success in the workplace and the significance of healthy relationships at home and finding the balance point."

One of the main principles in Choosing to Cheat is whenever you say Yes to Something, by default You are Saying No to something else. In other words, when you say yes to taking on a new project you are saying no to being home at a certain time.  When you say yes to designing a website over the weekend, you are in turn saying no to going to the beach.

And while this book was mainly about that elusive work-life balance, I have used it in my business to great success.  I know that for every project or client I say yes to, I am saying no to another project and or client.

Having this cognition ever-present allows me to make great decisions about my time, talent, and values as a business.  Whenever I have a decision to make, even something as small as do I meet a potential client for coffee, I do a mental rundown of what am I saying no to in my business. Every conference call,  zoom call, or investment runs through the same mental gymnastics. 

Is my yes opportunity greater than my no responsibilities?

In other words, does saying yes yield greater results than what I said no to.  

If you have ever asked me a question like this, you have most likely noticed I do not answer quickly.  I don’t accept meeting requests quickly.  Because they all need to go through this filter. And folks, it has made me quite successful.   

So what has changed?  

First, let me just say I still believe in the underlying thesis of the book.  How I apply it has changed.

  1. At this stage of my career, my priorities are changing.  I am now at the beginning of the sunset of my life.  
  2. Judging my yes by my no is limiting. 

Let me explain

Listen, if my yes was powerful.  Then my no is equally as powerful.  

My yes creates a no — But my No releases a Yes

My Yes causes me to look at the downside/the cost/ what am I losing - My No causes me to look at the upside/the revenue/ what am I gaining.

Now when I say no — I get excited about what yes opportunities are now available. 

 

Listen to the Podcast Episode

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I Shall Write Again

I shall write again blog post

Today I sat down at my computer and started writing my first blog post in almost 2 years. It was a mind-numbing experience - that at times felt wonderful and at times felt mournful. I cried and smiled all at the same time. Why had it taken so long? Why was today the day to start?

Why start is probably easier to answer if we start with why did I stop. You see. I stopped because

  1. I had years of content that had never been released.

  2. I had so much video and spoken content, why bother writing. But like many of you out there, it was number 3 that held the cards to the real reason.

  3. I felt like I had nothing else to say -- Nothing new to add to the dialogue.

While I had not written for 2 years the genesis of my silence started 4 years ago. The country had come off an incredibly divided election. An upset. An election that made me question if my ear was to the ground. If I still heard the voice of creativity in the air.

Over the past year, the trifecta of trouble, as Pastor Joel Gregory describes it, of social unrest, pandemic, and mental instability, caused me to run into a creative desert. How could I write and create when the world was crying. How could I find that center that inspiration when I had to put my company and family into survival mode?

So what changed? Several Things

My Mindset

Over the past month I have had a chance to detox -- Not only detox my body - but detox my mind. I realized that one of the worst things I could do was internalize the external. What do I mean? Many things in the world are great for your external body but not great for your internal body. Rubbing Alcohol comes to mind. While great for topical relief. It is deadly if ingested. The same goes for your business or your mind. Some things are great for the external but are deadly if they get internalized.

Mute the Noise

Over my desk sits a poster made by my BLKHustle.com company, that simply states -- MUTE THE NOISE. It is a constant reminder to tune out the distractions of the world. I had to learn to not mute the noise of the world -- but to mute the noise of my mind (a much harder task). I had to mute analysis paralysis, perfectstination (procrastination masquerading as perfectionism), and more importantly -- imposter syndrome.

I had to tell myself -- I am good enough -- I am good at what I do, not because I am an imposter, but because I have put in the work to become efficient and effective in my work.

Calm the Fear Within

In my book, Calming the Fear Within, I outline a series of steps a person must do to overcome fear. One of the points is to recognize the fear and name it. Well, my fear was scarcity. Normally that scarcity is financial. But, this time around, the fear of scarcity was, Do I have enough to give my all? Do I have enough fire left in me to cause the atmosphere around me to boil? The whispers to myself were no.

But the reality is yes. I still have it. My creativity, my fire, my passion has not left me. Very much like a muscle, because I did not use it, it was becoming atrophied. The worst thing about fear - is we often create that which we fear most. Because of my fear of scarcity, I created a place of scarcity. When I changed my mindset -- I realized -- what I have is in abundance. And here is the key, you can’t have a harvest unless you plant.

So on today, I write -- I plant the seeds that fuel my destiny. I write -- I water the seeds of my creativity -- I write because now I plan to see the harvest of my labors.

My mindset is changed

The noise is muted, and,

My fear is calmed.

I AM WRITING AGAIN!

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Write What You Hear: THE FIRST STEP IN MY JOURNEY

Over the past few days, I have had the chance to counsel several people in clearly different and separate fields. In all cases, I was led to just say Write What You Hear.

It is not just a divine directive for those people I spoke to, but a clarion call to myself. You see for years, I have had ideas and books boiling inside of me. But fear and obstinacy stopped me from heeding the call I heard.

For days, I will labor over the decision to write something that is rattling around in my brain. But no more. I must now Write What I Hear. This next session is for my religious people.

"And Jehovah answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tablets, that he may run that readeth it."

The call is so strong that even tonight I have had to stay up late just writing what I hear.

Some of it is for public consumption -

Other things are a part of the vision God is giving me for my life.

"And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my Spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions"

Not only must I write what I hear - I have to write what I see. What an awesome responsibility to share with you what I hear and what I see. I have established several writing resources to make writing easier. I will share with you in later posts -

But more importantly. What has God whispered to you in the middle of the night? In the middle of your quiet time, In the middle of your despair. What is he telling you to Write?

My friend please just do it - don't hesitate - don't worry about grammar -

Just Write What You Hear.

You Down

J. Richard Byrd

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What Unlimits You? – My Take Away from the TedxClt Conference

What Unlimits You?

That was the question posed on the email I received when I signed up for the TedXClt conference last week. A simple statement but not one that is easy to answer. First let me take a step back and explain what is a TEDx Conference.

TED is a nonprofit devoted to Ideas Worth Spreading. It started out (in 1984) as a conference bringing together people from three worlds: Technology, Entertainment, Design. Since then its scope has become ever broader. Ted believes passionately in the power of ideas to change attitudes, lives and ultimately, the world. So we're building here a clearinghouse that offers free knowledge and inspiration from the world's most inspired thinkers, and also a community of curious souls to engage with ideas and each other. The TEDx program gives communities, organizations and individuals the opportunity to stimulate dialogue through TED-like experiences at the local level. TEDx events are planned and coordinated independently.

Back to my story

What unlimits me? Well my one word answer was faith. Not just Faith in God, but Faith in the the belief that I can do or accomplish anything I set my mind to accomplish. But that my friends brought me to a standstill. Because, no longer do I have to sit by and watch the world go by. No longer do I have wait for permission.  I have faith.  That it will happen. Now my question to you.  What Unlimits You?

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Cut Your Losses

Over the last few weeks I have been adding new friends and unfollowed old ones -- In many cases it has nothing to with the person -- just I need a new and different perspective --

This morning I had an thought -- If I can do that with my social channels - why not do that with my business. I wonder why I have been afraid to expand my territory. To cut our lists and losses-- to fire some clients --

The truth is I have a diverse product and services line -- Websites - Graphics -- Consulting - Makeup - Coffee - Hair Care -- Hosting -- and more. While trying to sell to the same people is wonderful -- Growth happens when you expand the reach (This is what I would say to a client). What is interesting, is that while I diversified my holdings, I didn't diversify my client/customer stream.

So take a few minutes -- Create an Avatar (ideal customer) for each of your products -- Take note of the similarities -- but pay close attention to the differences -- Create separate lists to talk to each differently.

While everyone has similar traits and tastes -- we all have different traits and taste -- it is ok - in business and in life.
#ByrdOlogy

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Can’t Save the World

Bless this young lady at the Ihop. Today, must be her first day or week here. It took her 20 minutes to ring in my order. But she kept smiling.

I have had a stressful day. I appreciated her smile. And even though she messed up my order. I gave her a tip on my card and then reached in my pocket and gave her another 20.

I can't be Oprah and write a check for 1 million. YET!!! I can't be in all of the hotspots in world, although my prayers are there. But I can bless someone in my own back yard. Don't need to know her story. Just want her to be encouraged. Your turn. Bless someone. #ByrdOlogy

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Finding and Grabbing Motivation by the Throat

Guest Post --Michael L. McCrimmon - http://www.m2li.com/

Having worked with top executives, and now a coach / motivator of executives for top C-Level positions, I pretty much know a good one when I see one. I also have learned to trust my intuition when it flashes red about someone that claims to be a good executive, but really isn't one. You see, most of the times in life, if you have to tell someone you're good at a thing, you probably aren't that good (different than self-promotion).

In today's USA Today, there is a list of the top 5 CEOs based on what they will get paid to leave if their companies get involved in some type of merger / acquisition activity and they are no longer needed.

#4 on the list is Marissa Mayer, Yahoo CEO. You remember Yahoo right? Barely? I know but still, if Ms. Mayer's services are no longer needed, she will receive the lump sum of $158 million to go away, also known as a "golden parachute".

<rolling eyes>

I won't go into how little I think of her, as Yahoo has almost become a trivia answer on Jeopardy, but remember don't hate the player, hate the game.

Shift gears for a second back to the idea of motivation. Now since this is my story, I can spin it anyway I want to, but most people who know me, would probably agree that I could put a suit on, go to Yahoo, and do better than her, without breaking a sweat. Yet, she is the one who has millions in the bank, and has a golden parachute.

So, I drop my tent on that fact, this morning. Tough love for us today, me included. If you don't have $100,000 liquid in the bank today, you are barely toiling above the poverty line, actually. If you are over 50 and don't have close to 1 or 2 million in your 401K, you aren't that well prepared for a "decent" retirement.

Harsh isn't it. Truth hurts. While we clown around arguing about racism, Trump, disrespect of President O, and who got into a fight on Housewives of Atlanta, others are taking money to the bank in a wheelbarrow and don't care if some blows off the top as they push the wheelbarrow.

Flash back to me now. Writing a book is hard. Extremely hard if you want a good book, not just "a book" so you can claim to be an author. I did one of those already. It was pretty good, but this one I'm working on, is going to be my signature piece and something I want to be of value for generations to come.

Writing takes concentration. It takes discipline. It's not fun. And so in the few hours of each day that I have to write, it's easy to get distracted by friends calling wanting advice, whatever happens on FB or in the news, and before I know it, it's time for me to pickup the Deuce from school and then the rest of my day becomes domestic.

Marissa is worth millions... I"m not. How can I fix that? I submit for your consideration, that each of us has more in the tank to dedicate to that thing that we are trying to accomplish... I want to add a zero to my net worth and my bank accounts in one year.
Each of you has a goal that just looms out there on the horizon that sounds good, would drastically change your quality of life.

With three weeks, left in December, let's get focused on what change in our daily activity, our direction and motivation would need to occur, for us to be shot out of a cannon, and this time next year, be patting each other on the back for having had a blowout 2016, and actually done something we can be proud of.

Think it can't be done? Look at Marissa Mayer... she's killing the game. Next year, I plan on being the example that you can point to about someone who killed the game.

Maybe that can be you standing next to me in that picture. To get different results, you have to do different things. Lastly, sometimes no matter how much you like things like they are, you may have to break that mold and think and do things differently.

Sounds hard, doesn't it... Just look around you.. people are doing it every day. Isn't today a good day to get serious and decide you will "have some of what they are having"...

Catch you later. Three Greens!

P.S. I'm serious, and people who know me, know when I start talking like this, big things usually happen... but you have to get serious, and I don't know about you, but I'm serious. It's my season... make it yours too...

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Getting Back From the Edge of F**K it? Part 1

Getting Back from the Edge of F**k it - A Blog Post - J. Richard Byrd

F**K it -- I want to talk to entrepreneurs - I started my first business in 7th grade -- I have been an entrepreneur ever since. I can tell you one sure thing -- You will find more ways to fail than succeed. This is not an easy lifestyle --

You can easily become discouraged. People don't pay or they don't pay on time -- Your employees' lives and that of their families are in your hands -- Your family well-being is in your hands. The stress and pressure is immense. As a result, you become careful, you stop innovating and you stop taking risks. You often find yourself between give up and I quit.

But every once in a while you find yourself in a place called F**k it.

This is a dark place -- You see I give up --means I give up on this idea -- I give up on this situation -- I will let it turn itself around. If I quit -- means -- I am no longer going to do this- Let me close down -- pack up my stuff and move on to something else. F**k it is different -- F**k it means -- You no longer care if it works or it doesn't work. You don't care about the company -- the employees -- the products -- the clients-- and probably the most hideous part is you don't care what happens to yourself.

This is a hard place to be -- Empty -- Heartbroken -- Depressed -- Suicidal -- Questioning yourself -- Questioning God (if you are a believer). How did I get so far out here that I see no other opportunity for existing?

I know -- I am there -- but I am on my way out. And in my next installment - I'll tell you how I came back from the edge of F**k it. Have You Ever been in this place???

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PS. (Excuse the grammatical errors -- I am just sharing my thoughts -- I'll send it to the editor in the morning).

PPS -- If the mistakes bother you that much -- feel free to delete yourself.

‪#‎ByrdOlogy‬ -- ‪#‎TheRealMe‬

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Unclick the Safety Belt.

My wife, who has been having some knee issues, had a hard time getting in the car the other day. I mean it was understandable, we both work very long days. Sometimes 15 hours at a time. So it was understandable that her knee was bothering her, making it difficult to get in and out of the car.

Well when we arrived home, parked the car,  I heard a yell from the other side of the car,

"Help ! I Can't Get Out The Car". 

I ran, well walked fast, around to the other side to see if her knee had totally given out. My son who was traveling with us- jumped out of the car and rushed to her side. That is when I heard --

"Never Mind, I'm Ok. I forgot to take off my Safety belt."

Why is this important? I started wondering how many of us have in our lives put on a safety belt to keep us safe during the trip. But, when we arrive at the destination we forget to take it off? For some of us, the safety belt is family, career, thoughts, money or a myriad of others things.  We keep these things so tightly closed around us that we can't walk in to Destiny --

So my friend, if you feel like you can;t move into your purpose, your chosen destination. I want you to check and see if you still have the safety belt clicked. You Have Arrived at Your Destination. It Is time to Unclick the Safety Belt.

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REST AREA

A few weeks ago on one of my many trips to Atlanta, I saw a guy relieving himself on a side of the road. What caught me about this guy, is that he was 10 feet past the exit, and I could clearly see yeah just passed a rest area a mile before.

So I asked myself, why is this guy doing this on the side of the road. The answer was simple, you didn't stop at the rest area. Which led me to the question why? Maybe you didn't see it. Maybe thought he could make it to the next one. Maybe he thought he didn't need one.

In any case, he found himself in a position but I'm sure didn't work for him. I'm sure the position was an embarrassing position, I mean who wants to find himself on the side of the world relieving himself while thousands of people pass by.

In life we are the same -- We have been given many chances to just rest. There is clearly defined signs that offer us a chance to pull over, rest and if need-be relieve ourselves. Over the past 3-4 months I have found myself fighting all kinds of illness; fatigue, stress, high blood pressure borderline diabetes, severe depression, serious weight gain, etc.

What my doctor taught me. Most of my ailments could be related to the fact that I don't rest. I sleep a little, but I don't rest. I am always thinking, strategizing, visioning, everything but just resting. As a result, I found myself doing and saying crazy things, lashing out at love ones and basically falling apart. I tell you these 2 stories because I want you to really understand the take home for this.

The take home is simple:

If you don't take full use of the rest areas in life. You will find yourself doing private things in public places.