11 Mar Lessons from My Grandfather
Dear Clients and Friends,
As many of you know my grandfather has been in hospice for about 6 weeks now. In fact for many of those weeks we moved our offices to the hospice to take care of him. On last Tuesday morning he transitioned to glory. My grandfather Olin Clark was an integral part of my life. Many times the only man and role model I had growing up. For the first third of my life I remember spending every Saturday night as his house bouncing on his knee. He taught me how to skin a rabbit, clean fish, and even got me to eat possum (one time only). Boy he liked to eat.
After we moved away, I remember coming back home and cooking him fried green tomatoes. When my grandfather came to live with my family about 10 years ago, it was then I learned some of my life's most valuable lessons. I will share a few with you.
Work Hard
My grandfather was a World War 2 veteran and due to injuries sustained in the war and through hard living, had one of his kneecaps removed and his leg fused together. This meant he could not bend one of his legs. This impediment made it hard for him to get around without a walker. But every morning I would hear him clacking along the floor in the house going to the kitchen to wash the dishes. I would often ask why do you need to wash the dishes or Papa you don't need to work anymore let us handle it. His answer was always the same. In that gravelly voice he would say. "I didn't come here to sit on my behind. I came here to help you out".
Every month when his SS check would come - my grandfather insisted that we take him to the grocery store so he could buy groceries for the house. And no matter how much I argued that we had enough food, he would insist. "I didn't come here to sit on my behind. I came here to help you out". And so we would pack up and head to the grocery store and pretend to let him buy groceries.
On many occasions, I would have to take my grandfather to the doctors office or to the VA clinic. On every occasion, he would ask to go by the bank because he didn't want me to use my gas and he not pay for it. I would say Papa it is cool, I got enough gas and he would answer. "I didn't come here to sit on my behind. I came here to help you out". So I would hand him a dollar and let him pay for our usual double cheeseburger after the appointment. It instilled in me a work ethic. A man that don't work don't eat. And, no matter where you go in life be prepared to pay your own way and contribute.
Look
It was on these trips that He taught probably the most important lesson of my life. My grandfather would sit in the front seat of the car and just just watch the scenery and the trees and just SMILE. When I would ask him what is he smiling at - he would say - I am just looking. I have never seen any one so amazed at what he saw. So enthralled at the colors. But it taught to appreciate the beauty that God had created. To cherish each day, the smell of the air, the crispness of the wind. More importantly - just stop and look.
Watermelon Watermelon
My grandfather could sing. A deep bass that would rumble the floor. And not matter where he was he didn't mind pulling up a quick song for you. Many times while traveling he would listen to the radio and just pat his hand on his thigh. He didn't care if it was rap, rock, R&B, as long as it was music he would vibe. But if you put on a gospel tune it was a wrap. He would grab the bottom note and harmonize with you. And if he didn't know the words he would sing "watermelon watermelon" Or he would sing in Rhythm; "I don't know this song, I don't know his song", but all the while keeping the harmony. I learned - Even if you don't know the words - still jump in the song. You see - you don't have to wait in life until you got it together. Sometimes you just to to jump in and watermelon watermelon until you get it.
Keep Singing
About 2 years ago my grandfather health really took a turn for the worse. After taking him to the hospital the Dr. indicated that he had double pneumonia and that they really didn't think he could make it through the night. You see my grandfather had smoked 2 and 3 packs of cigarettes a day for almost 50 years. The weak lungs and the compromised bronchial tubes just meant he was not going to have enough air to breathe. So he made it through the night and they put him on oxygen tanks to help his breathing. Well about day three or so, when I went to visit, and miraculous thing. He took off the oxygen mask and started to sing. I couldn't believe that someone with about 60% lung capacity and could barely talk or breathe, had enough breath to sing.
Fast forward a couple of weeks ago at the hospice, he had a particularly hard night, very restless, lethargic, and in fact again didn't seem as if he was going to be with us in the morning. On the very next day, I am told he spent the afternoon singing with my mother and my sisters. In fact, singing multiple songs, strong and vibrant. How could this be? Lesson- As long as you have a little breath in your body, keep singing.
Smile
If you ever met my grandfather there is one impression you would leave with. He was always smiling. He cracked himself up. There was times when he would just laugh for no reason. Even in his last days. You could always get him to smile. If the nurse tried to take blood, he would ask here if she had money to pay for it. One night he pulled off his oxygen mask to stick his tongue out at my wife. Just smiling and his smile made you want to smile. It is hard to be sad when the person you are being sad about is smiling. After he passed one of the nurses pulled my wife aside and hugged her and told her, No Matter how bad a day I was having, You grandfather always made me smile and feel better. Life Lesson - People should always feel better when they leave your presence.
Even in pain, there is a way you can learn to smile.
One of my last nights with my grandfather, we sat and watched a boxing match. on tv. We ate chocolate and peanut butter cake, cookies, and had strawberry ice cream. #dontjudgeme. He told me I was fat, he told me we were "doing it right" He told me stories about him growing up. He told me he was proud of the family. He told me that he loved me. He told me how much he enjoyed seen everybody working in the church for" da Lord". But most of all he made me SMILE.
Every day I strive to live the lessons I have learned.
Life is short, so Stop and Look
Work Hard -
Keep Singing -
Smile-
And Most of all, even if you don't know the words - Just jump in the song.
Why this long message.
In the coming weeks, I will be taking some time off from day to day operations to reflect, recalibrate and spend time with my family as they heal and grieve - and so, I will not be as available by phone. We have in place a system to finish out the projects we have on board. I have great friends in the industry that are stepping up to help with clients. So besides a little phone contact, you shouldn't notice much of a change. I want to state emphatically that I consider you all friends and a part of my family.
I want you to know, the philosophy of this company has been and will continue to be "We didn't come here to sit on our behind. We are here to help you out". I pray that on the most part, I leave you smiling. I thank you for your prayers. I am excited about this new season as we jumped boldly into the future together. Fasten your seat belts for the journey. I don't know the words, but I intend to still jump in the song. WATERMELON WATERMELON.
Peace,
J. Richard Byrd