Who ever said leadership was a lonely place- really knew what he was talking about. I have never felt this alone in my life. I mean I know I have God, but this feeling of sheer desperation is some times overwhelming.

You see for most of my life I have made really big moves. But here is the secret, most of those moves have been well thought out, well crafted, and frankly safe. I have been able to fly under the radar. No more. Now God is calling for me to make audacious and in some peoples opinions foolhardy decisions. In fact, He is not even letting me delegate or move the decision to some one else. And frankly my friends that puts me in a lonely place and scary position. I am not afraid to tell you I am scared out of my mind.

Have you been called?

That was the question staring me from the paper - Have I been called? The answer in emphatically yes. I feel it in every fiber of my being. I heard the voice clearly. Here is the struggle. I don't feel worthy of the call. That is not your usual humble saying, that is so much the truth. The very thought keeps me up at night. Why me? I don't have it together?

Can I be transparent: I sat in an Elders training meeting the other day and as the pastor started to describe what an honor it was to be chosen, this feeling of inadequacy poured through my body. I mean it literally made me nauseous. I could barely speak, I could barely think, and I couldn't eat. I know I usually have a big pep talk for you. But today I just couldn't manage. I know how Moses felt. God has called me to a place where I have to be in front. I have to do those things that are opposite of how I have lived for the last 20+ years. I had to get that off my chest. I do however know one thing. God is still sovereign. He is still on the throne and I still believe God saves.